


i think of only you

by alifeofourown



Category: One Direction (Band), X Factor RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-22
Updated: 2012-04-22
Packaged: 2017-11-04 02:58:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/388925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alifeofourown/pseuds/alifeofourown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is in love with Liam but Liam is with Danielle, so Zayn has no choice but to win Liam over by seducing him and just plain loving him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i think of only you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skaboom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skaboom/gifts).



                It all starts the day that Danielle flies shows up in the middle of their tour. It wasn’t like Zayn was planning on expressing his feelings of Danielle joining them on tour, but somehow he manages ending up doing just that and Liam gets a bit angry with him. Oops.

                It’s only later, after he apologises to her for his brackish comment, that Liam starts talking to him again. It’s really weird because Liam never stops talking to any of them despite what stupid things they do, so Zayn knows that he’s hit a sour note by what he did to Danielle and he feels like utter shit for it.

                “Liam, mate.” Zayn knocks lightly on the door to the hotel room that he’s sharing with Niall. “I’m really sorry. I apologized to Danielle. I didn’t mean to be so moody about the whole thing. I just kind of…dunno. I thought it was going to be just us this tour.”

                Zayn has to admit he’s a little surprised when Liam actually opens up the door for him. From the way that he’d been acting earlier, he wasn’t sure that Liam was even going to talk to him again that day. “You’re really a jerk, you know that?” Zayn accepts Liam’s words and he nods.

                “I know, but I’m trying to fix that. Seeing someone for it and everything.”

                Liam raises an eyebrow. “And who are you seeing?” he asks. He knows that Zayn’s teasing and yet he can’t help but be curious and ask. Zayn loves that about Liam.

                “You.” He grins slightly, glad to see that he’s earned a smile from Liam for his humour. “M’really sorry, mate.”

                “It’s alright.” Liam smiles lightly at Zayn. “If Danielle’s okay with you, then I am too.” There’s a moment when Zayn wants to move forward and just hug Liam but he stands in the doorway, nodding in response. “Anything else you need, Zayn?” Liam asks and Zayn responds with a shake of his head. “Alright. Night.”

                “Night,” Zayn replies before the door shuts and he just stands there for a moment, staring at the door. It’s the first time that he’s realised how much he feels towards Liam and how much he wants to just…well, he’s not sure what he wants to do when it comes to Liam. But he knows that these aren’t normal feelings and he’s got to sort them out fast.

 

\- - -

 

                “You’re staring, mate,” Harry whispers into his ear and Zayn instantly turns away from where he’d had his eyes locked on Liam. “Are you alright?” Zayn nods slightly as he glances back at Liam, watching as he curls his arm around Danielle and holds her close as they all sit together watching a film. “You’re acting weird, Zayn,” Harry whispers to him and Zayn doesn’t answer him.

                He knows he’s been acting weird and he still can’t put why he’s been acting so weirdly into words. It sucks because he knows that if Harry’s catching on to his actions then there’s definitely a problem and he needs to fix it. Harry pokes him in the side and Zayn jumps a little bit before he glares at him. “What’s wrong, Zayn?” Harry responds innocently before flashing him a grin. Zayn’s considering how would be the best way to get revenge and wipe that cheeky little smirk off of Harry’s face.

                “I’m trying to watch the movie, Harry,” Zayn replies before he shrugs and turns his gaze back to the television, trying to focus and failing miserably. Some boring plot line about a girl getting lost in a town is going on and Zayn sighs as he remembers that the film was Danielle’s pick. They all succumbed because she’s Liam’s girlfriend and she’s only going to be around for a few days. Blah blah blah. Zayn really doesn’t care about Danielle or her movie taste to be honest. He’s really frustrated with the fact that she’s here and can’t even begin to figure out why. It’s driving him mad.

                He glances over at the two lovebirds again and watches as Danielle shifts, leaning against Liam and a jolt of…jealousy? Is that what just managed to shock Zayn? He’s really unsure of what’s going on but watching Danielle curl up against Liam is really starting to frustrate him. It frustrates him so much that he climbs off of the couch and almost trips over Harry, who lets out a grumble at Zayn getting in the way of the film, so that he can escape from the room and not think about how much Danielle being there frustrates him.

                It’s not like he’s close to Liam or anything, but seeing her with him, it’s like it reminds him of how much he feels left out in Liam’s eyes. The best part is that Zayn knows that Liam doesn’t ignore him or anything and yet Zayn’s desperately craving Liam’s attention.

                Only then does it all start to click in his head. His jealousy of Danielle, his craving of Liam’s attention…

                Zayn’s falling for Liam and he has no clue what to do. Shit.

 

\- - -

 

                The day Danielle leaves Zayn’s pretty sure that a weight has lifted off of his chest. Everything feels sort of carefree again and he’s hoping that maybe those feelings that he was having towards Liam will go away now that she’s gone. Liam seems a little moody now that Danielle’s gone, but Zayn’s sure that he can pull him out of it.

                For some reason, he thinks that sneaking up on Liam and scaring him will do the trick. Louis’s really rubbing off on Zayn, dear lord.

                Liam jumps when Zayn taps him on the shoulder and he turns around, staring at Zayn with a confused expression on his face. “What’s up, Zayn?” he asks him with a light smile. Zayn hates the fact that he can tell that it’s not Liam’s usual smile. It looks as forced as it feels and it’s making Zayn want to kiss Liam until his smile’s real. Wait, where did that thought come from? Zayn shakes his head a little, certain that he’s losing it. “Zayn?”

                “Sorry,” he replies quickly before he lightly smiles. “Want to hang out? We can play some video games if you’d like, or maybe we can sneak out and take a walk.” Liam shrugs and Zayn frowns. Liam’s usually not this apathetic towards Zayn’s suggestions and Zayn doesn’t like it in the slightest. “Please, Liam? I’m bored and if you don’t come with me I’ll just sneak out on my own.”

                That earns Liam’s attention right away. No matter what mood Liam’s in, Zayn knows that if he mentions sneaking off on his own Liam’s going to snap into father mode and tag along. It’s one of the things that Zayn loves about Liam, the way that he takes such good care of the rest of the boys.

                Zayn’s starting to find more and more things that he loves about Liam and he’s not sure what to do about it, to be honest. It’s starting to get a little overwhelming and Zayn’s wondering if there’s just all of these little things that he loves about Liam or if he’s really, really in love with him.

                They walk together alongside a river, not really saying much. Zayn’s alright that though. It gives him more of a chance to figure out how he can talk to Liam about how he’s feeling, about how he can ask him if he feels the same at all. He knows that if he mentions it at all he’s not going to come out and say how he’s feeling directly. It’ll be hidden somehow, but he just wants Liam to see how he feels for him. He wants to know if Liam feels the same way, so he’s going to do whatever he can.

                “I feel like getting another tattoo,” Zayn comments after a little while and he smiles over at Liam. “Fancy trying to find a parlour and coming with me? Maybe I can convince you to get one too.” Before Liam can protest and tell Zayn for the millionth time that he has no plans to get a tattoo, Zayn grabs onto Liam’s wrist and tugs him along.

                He’s kind of surprised with the fact that Liam doesn’t pull away. It makes Zayn feel a little bit better about the whole situation and he finds himself slipping his hand into Liam’s as they walk. They hold hands as they walk across the bridge into town and Zayn’s only a little bit disappointed when Liam pulls away after people start staring. The moments that he got to hold Liam’s hand were the best and he makes a note to do it more often.

                At the tattoo parlour, Zayn and Liam argue over tattoos and Zayn playfully teases Liam about where he should get one in the future and what of until Liam’s face turns red and he starts to get flustered. Zayn’s decided on his tattoo after only a few moments and he knows it’s probably stupid but it’s not like he plans on letting anyone other than the guys see it, and they won’t ask the meaning behind it like the nosy fans would. Zayn makes a mental note to not tell any of the mates that his new Arabic tattoo actually says love on it. The boys would just make tease him for it, but Zayn doesn’t want to have to explain that it’s a decision on his part, a decision that says that knows how he feels about Liam.

                Now Zayn just has to figure out how to get Liam to like him back.

 

\- - -

 

                Whoever had the bright idea to hand the members of One Direction Super Soakers and tell them to have fun really should be called an idiot. Since they’ve been given them, Harry and Louis had teamed up to take down Niall and a war has broken out between the three of them. Liam’s just been half-heartedly squirting at whoever comes near him and Zayn’s just sort of standing there, not even sure where to start.

                He shoots a spray of water at Harry the second the curly-haired idiot turns towards him. There’s no way that he plans on letting Harry of all people attack him with streams of cold water. No thank you.

                So it surprises Zayn to find himself getting hit in the back with icy water. He turns around to find Liam standing there, smiling at him and Zayn shoots forward, ready to attack. As he pumps the gun, he hears Paul telling Harry and Louis to lay off Niall before he teams up with him. Nobody’s a match for Paul when he gets a water gun in hand, so the passing thought is entertaining to Zayn.

                Liam attacks again but Zayn starts spraying him back, grinning and even letting out a laugh as he tries to soak his companion before he can get soaked in return. They’re dodging each other, running around in circles for what seems like forever before Zayn manages to corner Liam in the warehouse that they’re getting their downtime in.

                “You’re almost out of water,” Liam comments as he looks at Zayn. His shirt as soaked, accentuating his muscles as the fabric clings to the skin.

                “You are out of water,” Zayn replies before he grins. “I’ve still got some left and you’re going down, Liam Payne.” This shouldn’t be so entertaining to Zayn, but the fact that he’s got Liam cornered and he looks very, very hot when wet is just making his good mood even better. He gets close enough so that the tip of his gun is pressed against Liam’s chest and in the moment that he hesitates, Liam grabs the gun and reverses their positions, trapping Zayn in the corner.

                Zayn winces slightly at the spray of water that hits him in the chest but he can’t find himself reacting to it properly because all he can focus on is the way that Liam’s grinning and how his entire existence has lit up because he’s won their water battle. It’s the way that Liam’s smiling brightly enough that his dimples are showing and that his eyes look like someone’s shining the sun down on them that makes Zayn lose his mind and god if this isn’t love he doesn’t know what is.

                The water runs out and they stand there for a moment before Zayn lunges forward, grabbing onto Liam as he kisses him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Zayn knows that he shouldn’t be doing this, but he’s just so in love with Liam and all he wants is to be with him, so will one kiss really hurt?

                Liam doesn’t react to the kiss and Zayn almost pulls back because of it, but he doesn’t, insistent on trying to just show Liam how much he makes Zayn go mad for him. He just tries to intensify it and almost pulls away in shock when he finds Liam’s lips moving against his own, kissing him back.

                Liam’s kissing him back. Liam’s _kissing him back_ and Zayn is so shocked by the whole thing that his lips part a little more, unintentionally but more than welcomingly deepening the kiss.

                It all ends too soon in Zayn’s opinion. It feels like they just started kissing when Liam’s pulling back, staring at Zayn with an expression that Zayn can’t read. “What was that?” he asks and Zayn tenses slightly because if Liam couldn’t feel the love that he’d been putting into that kiss then what is he supposed to even say to that?

                “I, uh…” Zayn hesitates, at a loss for words. He wants to say something to Liam, to blurt out how he’s in love with him and has been for what feels like forever and how his heart feels like it’s breaking because Liam doesn’t understand how much he needs this. But he doesn’t speak. He can’t find it in himself to actually say anything to Liam because if he does it’ll just all spill out.

                “It was just a joke, right? We were just goofing off and it got too crazy.” Liam’s making excuses for the kiss and Zayn can see that Liam’s plotting how to explain it to everyone in the band and the crew, and even the press if the news somehow gets out. He’s trying to figure out how to whip up a story elaborate and perfect enough to completely wipe away and all of Zayn’s feelings. Zayn’s feeling more than a little crushed. “Yeah, we just got a little crazy.” Liam shakes his head and steps back. “You win the game, Zayn.”

                “But…” Zayn didn’t win and they both know that. He’s at a loss to explain why Liam’s handing the win over to him. Maybe it’s just to get his mind off of the fact that they did just kiss and that actually did happen, but Zayn doesn’t want to forget. He doesn’t want to let it out of his mind for even a moment.

                “You won,” Liam repeats and he smiles at Zayn like nothing’s happened. “I’ve got to go get changed. Danielle’s coming in tonight and I don’t want to be all wet when she shows up.” He smiles at Zayn like nothing’s wrong and then heads off to find Paul to ask if they’ll have a chance to change before they leave for the venue.

                Zayn’s more than a little upset at the turn of events. He let his heart and soul be vulnerable by pouring them into that kiss and Liam’s just…he’s blown it off like it was nothing. And then he just had to insult the whole thing by bringing Danielle into the picture.

                Danielle, Danielle. It’s always about Danielle when it comes to Liam. Zayn’s sick of Danielle and while he doesn’t hate her and never has, he hates the way she belongs to Liam like he never will. Zayn hates that he can’t be Liam’s Danielle and for the first time in his adult life he’s experiencing an envy of the opposite sex so strongly that he’s honestly wondering why he wasn’t born female so that he could belong to Liam Payne, not Danielle.

                There has to be some way to show Liam that he’s the one for him, not Danielle. True, they’re cute together and Danielle’s such a sweet person, but Zayn doesn’t want her to be around as Liam’s girlfriend. He wants Liam all to himself. As Zayn stands there, feeling incredibly uncomfortable in his wet clothing, he starts to hatch a plan as to how he can make Liam his once and for all.

 

\- - -

 

                The setup of this whole interview is more than a little confusing, but Zayn doesn’t much mind it. He’s seated between Niall and Harry, his arm resting on the back of the couch. Louis’s not even there and Liam’s sitting beside Danielle away from the band, not participating in the interview at all. It’s weird, yes, but Zayn’s not complaining. He has a plan and he’s almost positive that he’s going to make it start to work through this interview.

                The interview asks some boring questions, the usual ones that they seem to answer during every single interview. Harry does most of the talking, with Niall chiming in occasionally. Zayn, on the other hand, stays pretty silent. It’s only when the interviewer gets to the topic of relationships that Zayn starts piping up.

                “Louis and Liam both have girlfriends,” he comments as he glances over at Liam for a moment, smiling as pleasantly as he can manage as he watches him pull Danielle closer.

                “And you three are all single?” The interviewer laughs. “Well more for you then.” Harry comments with some cheeky remark and Zayn can’t help but genuinely smile. Leave it to Harry to be his usual self in interviews. “I’ve got some fan questions here about you guys. One of them wants to know if you’ve ever kissed any of the other band members.”

                “Louis almost kissed me once,” Niall comments as he laughs. “Or at least I thought he was. Turns out he was just trying to see if I had freckles or food on my face.” The interviewer laughs along with Niall and Zayn takes the moment to jump into the conversation.

                “I shouldn’t be telling you this,” he says quickly, smiling slightly. “But the other day Liam and I were goofing around and we ended up kissing.” He shifts his gaze to Liam and smiles a little bit wider as the boy tenses and Danielle glances at Zayn, her eyebrow raised.

                “Really now?” Zayn turns his attention back to the interviewer and he nods.

                “Yeah, but it was just a joke,” he replies breezily. “Still, it happened.” To anyone else who’s not in the band it just sounds like Zayn’s messing with the interviewer, but Zayn knows that he’s going to be bombarded with questions after the interview and then later again when Louis finds out what he’s missed. Harry presses a little closer to Zayn after that question and his hand ends up on Zayn’s knee for the rest of the interview.

                When they finish, Niall instantly turns to Zayn. “When’d this happen and where were we?”

                “Why? Did you want to watch? I’m sure we could reenact it for you if you’d like, right Liam?” Zayn feels completely unashamed as he calls over to him, showing off his most seductive smile before he winks at him.

                “I think it’s more like how did we not know about this happening,” Harry explains as Niall watches the exchange between the two. “When did it happen?”

                “When you were giving Niall his own personal swimming pool.” Zayn shrugs and he stands up, stretching slightly before reaching into his pocket for his cigarettes. “I’ll be back,” he explains before heading outside, almost certain that Liam will follow him for one reason or another. Zayn knows it won’t be a good reason, but still it means alone time with Liam.

                Surely enough Liam appears the second Zayn lights his cigarette. “What was that for?” he asks, his tone slightly harsh. “Did you really have to do that in front of Danielle, and to a reporter too?”

                “I was just telling the truth, Liam. Isn’t that what you ask us to do?” He takes a drag off his cigarette, glad to feel like he’s actually breathing again as the smoke settles into his lungs. “What’d you want me to do? Lie?”

                “No, but you didn’t have to say anything about it,” Liam says as he shakes his head. “Now Danielle’s confused and she thinks I’m planning on breaking up with her.”

                “No she doesn’t,” Zayn replies simply as he looks at Liam, trying to ignore how fucking gorgeous he looks when he’s frustrated. “I watched her reaction during the interview. She’s not even close to thinking that you’re going to break up with her, Liam. If anything she found the whole thing amusing.”

                Liam steps forward and for a moment Zayn overestimates and assumes that Liam’s going to kiss him, but he just grabs onto Zayn’s shoulder and shakes him slightly. “Don’t do that again, got it?” Zayn considers his response carefully before he sets his cigarette down on the table next to them and runs his hand down Liam’s arm before taking his hand gently.

                “I’ll stop if you be truthful with me,” he tells Liam quietly. “Tell me how you feel about me and if it’s not the way I think it is then I’ll leave it all alone, Liam.” He squeezes Liam’s hand gently, waiting for a response and praying that it’s not a negative one.

                “Zayn…” Liam sighs and he moves to tug his hand away but Zayn just holds on tighter. “Zayn, stop.” At that, Zayn lets go but he doesn’t let his statement drop. He’s still completely focused on Liam, waiting for an answer. “I have to get back to Danielle,” Liam finally mutters before he steps away from Zayn, heading back inside.

                It’s not a no. That’s all Zayn can focus on as he picks his cigarette back up and works on finishing it. Liam didn’t deny it and he didn’t push Zayn away. Denial Zayn can take, but if Liam ever rejects him…Zayn’s honestly not sure what he’d do if that point came.

                He just knows that this means he has to try a hell of a lot harder to get Liam’s attention. Challenge accepted.

 

\- - -

 

                The start of yet another tour brings Danielle back into their lives and Zayn’s prepared to handle it. Over the past few months he’s been slowly working on Liam, just showing him in light touches and gentle words, hoping that he’d be able to win him over before the tour started, but no such luck. Danielle’s somehow managed to get enough time off that she’s going to spending most of the tour with them and Zayn just _can’t wait_ … Not.

                He’s got to figure out a better plan, one that will make Liam see that there is nothing else and that it’s just supposed to be them. He’s honestly considering cornering Liam, grabbing him and making out with him until it’s a completely new day but has a feeling that Liam won’t much appreciate that even if it would make him more than ecstatic.

                Zayn considers how to go about doing this for a while, until Niall actually shows up in the hotel room again, and that’s when he figures out his plan. He jumps up, rushing out of the room without a word, and crosses the hall. A few simple taps on Liam’s door is all he needs before the door opens and Liam pokes his head out.

                “Zayn…” Zayn ignores how unpleasant his name sounds as it slips from the boy’s lips and he nudges his way inside, smiling. “What’re you doing here?”

                “I have a present for you,” Zayn replies before he smiles. He’s kind of glad that Liam responds with a confused expression because it makes it that much easier to push him against the wall and kiss him, letting it be a gentle kiss with simple emotions, quite unlike their powerful, extremely intensified kiss that they’d shared a while ago.

                Liam kisses back instantly and Zayn is glad with the progress that Liam’s made since the last time he’s kissed him. There’s no hesitation this time around and Zayn’s pretty sure that this is going to end up with him getting Liam to a point where he’s begging for Zayn to be his.

                When he pulls back from the kiss, he presses a finger to Liam’s lips before shifting to bite and suck at his neck, ignoring the fading hickeys that are already there. He’s ready to make his own and is pretty sure that Liam’s not complaining about the possibility of additional marks. No, Liam sounds like he’s whimpering for more and Zayn’s more than happy to oblige.

                Zayn sucks at the spot where Liam’s neck and shoulder meet and smiles slightly as he’s rewarded with a soft gasping noise from Liam. It’s what Zayn’s wanted for a while now, what he’s dreamed of for nights upon nights and woken up with a hard-on from. The way that Liam whimpers and easily melts under his touch is what gives Zayn the motivation to continue. He was more than willing to stop at this point when he made plans to bother Liam today, but he’s honestly too turned on by the boy and how desperate he sounds for more, so Zayn wants to give him everything he possibly can. He wants to give Liam the world.

                There’s a sound of a key in the door and Liam pushes Zayn off of him almost instantly, nudging him towards the bathroom and shutting him in there before Zayn can even begin to protest. Zayn presses his ear to the door and he listens to Liam talking pleasantly with Danielle. He bristles at the way that Liam can manage to sound so in love with her despite the fact that just moments ago he was letting Zayn take over him. It bothers him and somewhere deep down Zayn knows that Liam does love Danielle so very much and that Zayn’s just coming in and ruining the whole perfect picture that is the two of them.

                He feels bad for just a moment before he realises that they’ve stopped talking and are probably now making out. Jealousy strikes Zayn hard and for a moment he considers going out and interrupting their time together; he considers outing Liam by announcing his feelings for the boy, but knows that’s a bad idea. As much as Zayn hates the fact that Danielle is a staple in Liam’s life, he would never hurt Liam the way that he wants to right now. He would never betray his mate.

                Liam mentions something about the bathroom and Zayn manages to step back from the door just in time for Liam to push the door open without slamming it into his face. He locks the door behind him and then looks at Zayn. “I can’t do this,” he tells him in a soft whisper and Zayn’s hoping that he means that he can’t be with Danielle any longer. “I can’t do this to Danielle, Zayn. I’m not…I’m not gay.”

                “I never said you were,” Zayn replies quickly, trying to ignore the fact that he feels like Liam just punched him in the gut. He knows that Liam and Danielle have been together for what feels like forever, but Zayn just thought… He was hoping that Liam would pick him. “But are you honestly going to just brush past the fact that we have something, Liam?”

                Zayn steps forward and grabs Liam and whatever Liam was going to say stops before it can escape his lips. They’re so close together that Zayn’s nose lightly brushes against Liam and their breath mixes together as unsaid words escape turn into nothing. “I love you, Liam,” Zayn admits and for the first time in a while he feels like he’s invincible, like he can do anything because he just confessed the most intimate part of himself to Liam.

                When Liam doesn’t respond, Zayn pulls away completely, trying not to look like he’s just been trampled on because it’s tearing him apart. “I love you Zayn, but not like that,” Liam responds and Zayn’s resisting the urge to just collapse because he hasn’t hurt this badly since he lost his grandfather and had to leave the band to go home for the funeral.

                “Fine, it’s fine,” Zayn replies quickly because he can tell that it’s hurting Liam to tell him the truth. Liam’s the one person in the group that tries to keep everyone together and he knows that it’s killing the boy to tell him this. “Just…it’s fine, Liam. I’m fine.”

                Liam reaches forward and he gives Zayn a quick hug of apology, trying and failing to silently explain that he can’t be with Zayn and that while this has been wonderful it’s Danielle that he needs to be with. She’s the one he loves and it kills Zayn to know that that’s the truth and it’s not going to change because he’s confessed his feelings.

                “I’m going to go take Danielle out,” Liam explains after he pulls away. “You can uh, stay here if you want.” They both know that Zayn has no plans to stay in Liam’s room once he’s gone but Liam still offers because he doesn’t want to completely throw Zayn out of his life. Zayn nods slightly and he offers Liam a weak smile, one that suggests that he’s trying to be okay with what he’s been given. “I’ll see you later, Zayn.”

                When they finally leave, Zayn bolts from Liam’s hotel room and he knocks on the door to the one that Louis and Harry share, hoping that one of them will be there to talk. Louis opens the door and he grins at Zayn. “Vas happening?” he teases before he catches the expression on Zayn’s face and the humour is gone completely. “Come here, Zayn,” he says quietly and pulls the boy into the room before Zayn can protest and tell him that he’s fine and that this was a stupid idea.

                Louis tugs Zayn down onto the bed and wraps his arms around him, not saying a word as Zayn clings to him, his body trembling against Louis. It’s not often that Zayn reaches out to them for help, but when he does he almost always comes to find Louis because Louis understands that sometimes Zayn can’t handle being the person that he is and that he needs to break down on occasion.

                No words are exchanged as Zayn finds himself pressing his face into Louis’s shoulder. There’s not even a sound as he starts to cry.

 

\- - -

 

                Zayn’s withdrawn over the next few days. It’s no more than usual, but the boys all can tell that something’s wrong. He purposely avoids sitting next to Liam in interviews and isn’t even coming near him on stage, preferring to instead stick close to Louis who now knows everything and is more than a little lost on how to help the situation.

                The thing that’s most surprising is Liam’s reaction to the whole thing. He’s usually the one that can hold things together no matter what the circumstance, but this time he’s kind slipped away. During interviews he lets the others answer the questions and at concerts Zayn sometimes finds Liam staring at him and it’s oh so confusing and he has no clue what to do about it. If Zayn didn’t know any better, he’d be absolutely certain that Liam wants to just grab him and apologise for ever hurting him in the first place. But it doesn’t happen, so Zayn just leaves it alone.

                By the end of the week it’s obvious that there’s something wrong between Liam and Zayn and Harry and Niall have pounced, asking questions left and right as they try to find out what exactly’s happened between the two of them. Zayn doesn’t answer questions and Liam just clings to Danielle who’s become more of a staple of his life in the past week than she has the entire time she’s come to be with them on tour.

                It makes Zayn sick, the way he wishes he could somehow push Danielle out of the picture, make it be like she never existed to Liam in the first place. Before all of this started, he loved Danielle like he loves his sisters and now all he wants to do is steal Louis’s iPhone and ask Siri where the nearest cliff is. It’s ridiculous how jealous he is of Danielle for having the one person that he’s fallen head over heels for and he has no idea how to stop the jealousy because he doesn’t want to harbor bad feelings towards her. He just wants her out of the way.

                Zayn’s trying to clear his head outside of their current venue so he’s smoking a cigarette and staring up at the clouds, hoping that his mind can become as sluggish and dull as those puffy white things above him. The door behind him opens and he doesn’t turn to see who it is because it’s either Louis coming to see if he’s alright or one of the two idiots who still want answers about what’s happened.

                “Zayn?” Zayn whips around as he looks at Danielle standing there, smiling weakly. “Can we chat for a minute?”

                The last thing Zayn wants to do is have a chat with Danielle but he nods anyway stepping back slightly as she moves closer to him. He’s not comfortable with this because he’s more than certain that Danielle knows what’s happened. Whether it’s because Liam told her or not, Zayn doesn’t know, but he really doesn’t want to find out.

                “So,” Danielle starts and Zayn’s already tense, waiting to be bitched out for being an utter arse and kissing Liam multiple times. “Liam’s a mess since he talked to you,” she says and Zayn just kind of stares at her because what just happened? Did she really not yell at him for it?

                “Yeah?” Zayn replies as he moves his gaze back to anywhere that’s not Danielle. He really doesn’t want to talk about this but has a feeling that no matter what he wants Danielle’s not going to let him out of it.

                “Yeah,” Danielle replies. There’s that moment where neither of them speaks and Zayn wonders if it’s the end of the conversation or not. “I give you permission.”

                Permission? “What d’you mean?” Zayn asks as he looks at her, genuinely confused by her words.

                “I give you permission,” Danielle repeats before she weakly smiles. “You think I don’t know about you two, Zayn?” Zayn hesitates because he knows that this could be a trap. If he admits to it then Danielle could be prepared to do anything from laughing at him to breaking up with Liam because of it. He knows Danielle pretty well but honestly has no idea what she would do when it comes to the fact that her boyfriend made out with his band mate. “I’ve had assumptions for a while, but I heard you two in the bathroom. Hotel room walls really are paper thin.”

                She pauses before stepping closer and Zayn prepares himself to be slapped. He’s almost certain that he has it coming. “He’s miserable,” she tells Zayn and he’s genuinely unsure of how to respond. “He needs you, Zayn. In what context I’m not quite sure, but it’s obvious that he loves you and I’m not going to get in the way of that.”

                “What’s that supposed to mean?” Zayn asks quickly, hope bubbling up in his chest. Is Danielle basically telling him that she’s going to step aside so that Zayn can have Liam? Does she realise how much this is hurting the both of them and she’s just trying to fix the whole situation?

                Danielle smiles weakly before she reaches out and pats Zayn on the shoulder. “I mean that I’m giving you permission to be with Liam. I’m not going to break up with him, Zayn, because I do love him and I can’t let him go that easily, but you make him happy and I’m not going to stand in the way of that.” She pauses. “I just don’t want to know any details, alright? Please…”

                Zayn can’t even find it in himself to protest because she’s just handed him a fucking key to get back into Liam’s life and actually have Liam be alright with it. If Danielle’s okay then Liam can’t say that he can’t do this to Danielle, right? He steps forward and hugs her tightly, not wanting to let go because this might be one of the best things he’s ever heard come out of this girl’s mouth.

                “Thank you,” he mutters and Danielle hugs him back gently before letting go.

                “Don’t thank me, Zayn. You still have to win him back. I’m not going to tell him that I’m giving you permission because I don’t want to let him know that I’ve known the entire time. You and I both know that’ll just upset Liam more if he thinks that I’ve just been sitting her being completely fine with him cheating on me the entire time.”

                “But you have been,” Zayn replies before he smiles weakly at her. It’s kind of brilliant, the way Danielle thinks, and Zayn’s starting to wonder why he ever harboured wrong feelings towards her.

                “Yeah, but I don’t want him to know that,” Danielle replies with a soft laugh. “I love Liam, Zayn, and I just want him to be happy, so if you’re what makes him happy then that’s what I want for him.”

                Zayn honestly doesn’t know how he’s been lucky enough to end up with a person as amazing as Danielle to be Liam’s girlfriend, but he kind of wants to hug Liam right now for picking such a great girl. He justifies it by hugging Danielle again, trying not to break out in a full out grin as he does so. “Stop hugging me!” Danielle laughs as she hugs Zayn back. “You’re like a little kid who just got their wish come true.”

                “Well that’s kind of how I feel,” Zayn replies before he grins. He really doesn’t know what else to say but he has a feeling that Danielle will actually smack him this time if he starts spewing out thanks you’s at the top of his lungs.

                “Just go make him smile again, yeah?” Danielle nudges Zayn gently towards the door and Zayn chews on his lip for a moment before he nods and trashes his cigarette. First he needs to talk to Louis and then he can start putting a new plan into action.

                Maybe this time he can actually have Liam for good.

 

\- - -

 

                “Liam can we talk?” Zayn’s kind of surprised to realise that he’s actually saying these words not just thinking them but Liam turns and he looks at Zayn for a moment before nodding. They hang back away from the rest of the band, waiting until the others have cleared out before Zayn struggles to say the words he’s been rehearsing all day.

                “I love you,” he tells Liam and he can tell by the look on Liam’s face that this isn’t starting out well. “I love you, Liam Payne, and I know that you love Danielle and that you can’t do this to her or whatever but I can’t ignore my feelings. I’ll fight for you if I have to.”

                “Zayn…” Liam looks so upset and Zayn wants to stop right then and there if it means keeping those expressions off of Liam’s face but he’s already started and he can’t stop now.

                “No. Don’t just say my name and trail off like it’s going to explain everything you’re thinking to me. Just listen, Liam.” He steps forward and grabs both of Liam’s hands, holding them tightly in his own. “I love you. I’m going to say it as many times as I have to until you realise that I’m not giving up on us.” He pauses. “I need you in my life, Liam, and I know you need me too.”

                Liam steps away from Zayn but he doesn’t pull his hands back, something that Zayn takes as a good sign. “Zayn I can’t…”

                “Yes you can,” Zayn replies quickly before he decides he’s at that now or never point. He presses forward and kisses Liam, being as gentle and loving as he possibly can to show that he can be what Liam wants. He can be just as perfect and meaningful to Liam as Danielle can. If Danielle was right and Liam really does love Zayn, then Zayn’s not going to give up on this.

                To be plain and simple, he needs Liam in his life more than he needs air.

                When he pulls back from the kiss, he doesn’t miss the fact that Liam slightly leans in for another. “It’s not the end of the world, being with both of us,” he tells Liam softly. “I love you and so does Danielle, and I’m okay with you being with her if you just give us a chance too.” He pauses. “I’m sure if you mentioned it to her, she’d feel the same way.” He keeps his promise and doesn’t out Danielle, but Zayn hopes that the way he’s worded it will inspire Liam to at least talk to Danielle about it. If he just realises that Danielle would be willing to give this a chance too then maybe he’d actually let Zayn be with him. Maybe they could actually be in love.

                “That’s not something I’m willing to risk, Zayn,” Liam tells him and Zayn falters for a moment before he tries again.

                “Then give us a chance anyway. If worse comes to worse, I won’t ever let Danielle find out.” He knows it’s wrong, asking Liam to willingly cheat on his girlfriend, but it’s not like she’s not willingly letting Zayn be with Liam. Zayn’s really wishing he could just fill everyone in on everything so that there wouldn’t be secrets and he could actually belong to Liam.

                Liam hesitates for a moment before he gently squeezes Zayn’s hands, the expression on his face such a mix of things that Zayn just wants to kiss him until it’s that gentle, loving Liam that they all know and adore. “Cheating on Danielle is wrong, Zayn.”

                “But it’s not cheating on her,” Zayn protests for a moment before he realises what he’s saying. “It’s not…not really at least. Not if you love me too.”

                “When did this get to be about love?” It’s sad how well Zayn knows Liam, how he knows that these are just all different forms of defense mechanisms that he’s using to justify staying away from Zayn. In that moment Zayn realises that this is real, that Liam really does love him back and his heart flutters slightly. “I don’t think I can do this, Zayn.”

                Zayn leans in and he presses a gentle kiss to Liam’s lips. “Don’t think,” he whispers to him. “Just be.” He kisses Liam again, letting his eyes close as their lips meld together perfectly. It feels so right to just be here, kissing Liam, and Zayn knows that he never wants this moment to end. Liam’s hand slips from his and instead finds his waist, pulling Zayn closer and it’s definitely perfect now.

                They don’t part for minutes, and even then they’re pressed back up against each other before they can even fully catch their breath. These are kinds of kisses that Zayn’s always wanted. Not the kind where he has to seduce someone to get what he wants or where it’s all about the actions that come after the kissing. No. It’s these kinds of kisses that are long and gentle and loving that makes Zayn feel alive. He wants to bask in them forever, to just never stop kissing Liam.

                He’d be happy to kiss Liam for the rest of his life.

                This time when they separate, Liam looks at Zayn. “Why now?” he asks him softly. “You could’ve protested your feelings all week so why’d you wait until now?”

                Zayn hesitates for a moment because he’s not sure how to respond. It didn’t even cross his mind that Liam might be curious as to why he picked this exact moment to confess that he needs Liam in his life. How is he supposed to get around this without mentioning Danielle? Shit… Zayn thinks for a moment before he blurts out the first lie that comes to mind.

                “Louis told Danielle about us and she said that she doesn’t mind,” he said quickly before pausing, biting down on his lip. Blaming Louis’s a low move and he knows he’ll have to repay the idiot for whatever hell he gets from Liam for it, but it’s worth it if it means that he can keep Liam.

                “He did what?” Liam’s expression darkens and he turns to find the band members, Zayn following behind quickly. “Louis!”

                Zayn laughs softly to himself and he can’t help but grin at the turn of events. As they find Louis and Liam starts snapping at him for what he didn’t do at all, Zayn realises that they’re still holding hands.

                He’s not sure what this means for him, but Zayn’s pretty positive that it’s the start of something perfect. Liam Payne loves him and that’s all he could’ve ever asked for.


End file.
